FRIEND OR FOE ….)))))))))))
ok it has to be said out loud …. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ?
the carer
the listener
the counselor
the Dictator
Abandonment
THE GOOD FRIEND
this seems to be how it goes with many friends . we all go thru good times …. and we just love to sit around with all our girls and share over glass of wine … a pot of tea …. or a cafe lunch or two .. we have a good laugh … we make jokes ….. we hug .and we make ever lasting friend memories together …….
but how things can change very fast when . were not happy … were not coping .. things get tough at home or within ourselves …. it seems everyone comes running to your aid with advice …. with there knowledge … they give you that caring face of sympathy .. fill you with hugs and h i know………. a few friends drop of out of visiting while others stay …. listening intently to your misery and woo;s .passing you tissues when you need then sitting closer and closer and they hold your hand.
more friends will drop of or go quiet till your usually left with one friend who you continue to confide in …. you ring each other 20 times a day .. she calls to see if your ok …. her attention is amazing and just what you need right now .all your other friends seemed to of vanished into thin air … but you sign in relief as thank god you have this one person who truly cares for your welfare ….. a true friend cares like this ….
she begins to come up with solutions and ideas for you to help …. you take it in even doing some of what she suggested …. she becomes like your councilor telling you what do you guiding you every day …… you know that she is right … there simple answers and will fix some of your issues ..but your too over whelmed right now to take those scary steps … you dont have the flow thou power inside you just yet but all her advice has been taken in ….
days go by she calls you all the time asking if you acted on any of her suggestions …all the time feeding your mind with another of her 5 ideas she becomes quit abrupt now with the conversations expecting you do just get up change your entire life . ie .( leave your abusive husband ) or deal with aggressive children … what ever your reasoning and life is … this friends tried to become more forceful now telling you …. WELL ive told you what to do …. ..
this friend this confidant who you spent hours up all night crying on the phone to … keeping you calm keeping you stable … now begins to feel somewhat pissed off at you even offended that YOUR not listening to them … Your not doing as they suggested ,,,Your not doing what they tell you to do …. they become very bitchy and snappy … you phone them crying and there caring has ceased … there sympathy gone …. there advice whipped away …. they raise their voice telling you to stop it they have had enough … they have told you how best to solve your problem .. it is YOU who havent listened now …. its YOU who didnt care about there ideas …. they take offence now and cant be bothered supporting you anymore untill you do what they say ….. they then tell you how hard it has been for them how much time and effort they have put into you was all a waste of time because YOU didnt listen … how there mental exhausted from you …. how they cant deal with your insistent whining and not fixing the issue … they tell you they cant handle this situation anymore and must remove themself from it and you all to gether ……and thats it there gone ,,,,
seriously … i know it began with all the best intetions for you .. i know there still a caring person … but WTF ….. how dare they think they are a GOD to be heeded to …. they dont live your life … they dont see and hear and feel what goes on in your life behind closed doors … how can they judge ….. do they know the fear of living with domestic violence .. to they feel the exhaustion it brings …… the fear of leaving and having no home ..no place … and being alone again …. .or the mental anguish of being a teen and the testing of society of finding yourself ..
its one thing to be sympathetic … to listening .. to caring …. but please have respect for the person in hits situation … we all hit that brick wall at sometime .. but it is US ultimately who needs to do the fixing we need to put it into action …. and it may seem easy to someone on the outside … but when those walls are crushing you .. pinning you in …. all you can handle is to chip away slowly ……. if your going to advice someone remember this is there life not yours ……
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